So, we come to it at last: the nominal end of the Star Wars saga[1]. If you haven’t seen Episode IX yet and care about spoilers, you should maybe stop reading now. Or carry on and live dangerously. YOLO.
Now, I know a lot of people like Episode IX and a lot of people didn’t. If there’s a truism in nerd culture it’s that you will never be able to please a group of size n of Star Wars fans, where n is greater than or equal to 2. I did enjoy it. I know it was very safe and basically just Star Wars: The Greatest Hits, but Star Wars has got some pretty good hits and can get away with it. I didn’t get bored at any point, even if it was entirely predictable how every set-piece was going to play out. To be honest, that was part of the fun. It might have been interesting if they’d carried on with the different direction Episode VIII took[2], rather than rowing back manically, but I wasn’t personally too bothered, even though I know a lot of people were a bit disappointed by how safe it was. Quite why the First Order suddenly stopped bothering with their successful counter-insurgency tactics, we’ll never know, but there we go.
I particularly enjoyed how Conflicted Angst Bomb, Kylo Ren, got go-faster stripes on his helmet and how his posse looked as if they’d been outfitted at some sort of scrapheap-cum-garden-centre. For the galaxy’s elite evil fighting force, they did look a bit of a mess – one of the main attractions of Fascistic regimes is that normally they’re really keen on natty uniforms. The Stormtroopers have a look, they all share it, and they’re instantly recognisable. The Knights of Ren sort of look like if your dad had tooled up as an evil gladiator using whatever he had in his shed. So they’re all a bit different and just look a bit amateur. More work needed. Richard E Grant as Chief Frothing Zealot after General Hax’s unfortunate turn towards sense was also very enjoyable. And a cavalry charge against a Star Destroyer was something new.
But, the thing that really made the film for me was the Emperor’s personality cult and Bond-villain megalomania. That man has got it totally bang on. Bubbling weird science experiments? Check. Massive evil throne in massive evil throne room? Check. Hordes of chanting cultists[3]? Check. Ridiculously over-the-top galactic domination plan with one worryingly-easily-discoverable fatal flaw? Check. Manic evil cackling? Check. What a guy. In the same way that Javier Bardem’s Silva makes Skyfall as a movie, the Emperor in full-on Evil Mastermind mode makes the Rise of Skywalker as an ending to the saga. He might have been a few Stormtroopers short of a company, but, boy, did he not let that get in his way. Emperor Palpatine: the real hero of Star Wars; by whose incredible hamming and noble sacrifice the whole thing ended well. Mad, bad and dangerous to know in despotic style, showing us all how real cinema villains should behave. I salute you.
[1] I can’t help feeling that, given the huge monetary potential involved, Disney is, sooner or later, going to decide we need Episodes X, XI and XII….
[2] Which I also enjoyed, even if, apparently, lots of people really hated it. See above about Star Wars fans, impossibility of pleasing of.
[3] I really want to know who all those cultists were. Where did they come from? What did they do all day? Where did they get their matching cloaks from? Is there some sort of evil lord package deal along the lines of ‘Buy one Throne Room of Terror, get 10,000 Cultist Minions absolutely free!’?
Aiya Helcarda 